Trigger Warning: This article contains mention of suicide, self-harm, and depression. Readers’ discretion is advised.
“I’m afraid. For a f**king good reason. I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid of the world. It’s just scary for somebody like me, and even if it’s not scary, it means being on and being vulnerable and being seen and being filmed and whatever.”
However, despite her fear, Billie claims she’s now “biting the bullet” and doing what scares her the most, which is “existing in the world for one.” Billie has often been vocal about her mental health struggles. During a 2020 Rolling Stones interview, Billie opened up about experiencing depression from ages 13 to 16.
“I hit a turning point,” says Billie Eilish about winning Grammys
While talking to Rolling Stone about depression, Billie Eilish revealed she has never been a happy person her whole life despite feeling lucky.
“I experience joy and laughter, and I can find fun in things, but I’m a depressed person.”
Billie Eilish opened up more about her journey with depression, revealing it comes in waves. However, while talking about what hit a turning point with mental health in her life, Eilish looked back at winning five Grammys at 17.
“I hit a turning point. I had this moment of like, ‘Oh, my God, I haven’t had fun in seven years.’ Truly. I had this illusion that I had, because who experiences going to the Grammys at basically 17 and winning five?”
Despite winning five Grammys after bagging nominations in six at the 62nd Grammy Awards in 2022 for Record of the Year, Best Pop Vocal Album, Album of the Year, Best New Artist, and Song of the Year, Billie didn’t go outside for five years.
However, she recalled slowly stepping outside more, taking baby steps to the grocery store, and eventually going out to parties and concerts with her friends.
During a Vogue interview in 2020, Billie Eilish revealed she wrote a song about suicidal thoughts at the age of 11. While talking about what contributed to her depression, she listed a few factors, including a toxic friend group, a partner who treated her badly, dance injuries, and body image issues.
“I just hated my body. I would have done anything to be in a different one.”
Although Billie Eilish has been vocal about her struggles with depression and her difficult past, she also established that she has no interest in becoming a celebrity spokesperson or an advocate for mental health.